How I learned to love myself

To the person who does not know how to love themselves, has a negative body image & feels like giving up- this is for you.

Struggling for so many years with body image, it has not been easy for me to love and care for myself.  Do I still struggle? Some days! It's completely normal because it's still a process daily. My eating disorder took up a lot of my life and teenage years- of course it's not something someone can just get over in a blink of an eye.
One day, I decided I needed to stop. My eating disorder was consuming my life, hurting relationships, causing worry to friends and family, and most importantly hurting my future. I've been recovered a little over 2 years now, and I can finally say that I'm happy with myself and I have a healthy relationship with food, which is so important. Do I still have goals? Yes. Am I where I want to be with my life yet? No, I'm 24- I'm still growing. But, here are some ways that I learned to love myself and I hope that I can help at least one person if not many more.
1. I'm my own person and I have my own shape
- Girls are funny. They look at someone and they say "I want to look like her"... Have you ever thought that, that person you want to look like- probably wants to look like someone else.  Why do you want to look like someone else? I don't want to be someone else or look like someone else. I have a few people whom I look up to in the fitness industry that help motivate me, but I never say that I want to look like them. I am my own person, I have my own shape. Some people have a bigger frame than others, some people want to gain muscle from different starting points. Everyone has a different body type, figure out what works for you. Don't say you want to be someone else.

2. I stopped picking myself apart
-This is the one thing I cannot stress enough. We are all a work in progress. There are things that I don't like about myself still, but I'm working to fix what I don't like. As long as I'm working on fixing things, then I do not let it get to me. I embrace my flaws and realize that no one is perfect.

3. I love my body in all phases
- I caught myself this morning picking at myself because I "looked pudgy" for being on a higher carb amount than usual (especially on show prep, which I started Sunday).  I told myself to stop. It's not normal or healthy to always be "stage lean" or show ready. You have to have some fat on your body, you have to gain muscle and just love the process of how your body can change. The body is an amazing machine!

4. I learned to love food for what it does for the body
- A lot of people think food is the enemy... it can be, and I used to think so. If food is consumed correctly, in moderation and thoughtfully, it can do your body a lot of good! Food heals, so many diseases can be prevented from eating a healthy diet. Do I just eat chicken and asparagus all day? Heck no! I eat whatever I'm craving, because I won't deprive my body of something that it wants- but I do think about what I consume. I do not just sit and eat a whole bag of doritos, I'll eat a handful. Oreos are one of my favorites, but I eat one or two at a time, not a whole sleeve. It can be done and it is so important to have a healthy relationship with food.

5. I accepted that I can be loved for more than looks
- I've always had an issue with "love", I never thought that a guy could love me for me. I do not trust many people and it's hard for me to let people in... I'm very hard headed at times and I can be a brat. I started dating Zack in the midst of my eating disorder, I looked back once and thought "yikes! I looked awful. Why did he want to date ME?" He knew that I had a problem, but he still stood by my side anyway. Through competition preps, tears and battling my body image- he stood by me. I always thought it was hard to believe. I gained back a little weight after my last show, I've been gaining muscle and I'm happy with my body- am I the thinnest I've ever been? no. Am I more muscular? yes. And He loves me, and I can accept that he loves me in all stages.. which is important because women go through so many body changes throughout their life. Find someone who can love you for what's on the inside and not just the outside.

6. You won't get what you want unless you're confident
- Confidence really is the key. Even if you're not 100% confident in something inside yourself- Find one thing to be proud of and to flaunt, pick one thing that you love about yourself & let it shine! If I want to be a Registered Dietitian, I have to be confident in myself and bust my ass- I'm not always confident, but I pick something that boosts my confidence and it helps.

7. Don't listen to the media or others
- I'm a very outspoken person. Everyone knows where I stand on different issues and I'm the person who speaks my mind when everyone else is thinking it. I block out 98% of the media as far as "hot bodies" or how someone should look. I'm me and I have a big issue with the media telling people how they should look or what they should eat to lose 20 pounds. (Not everyone is the same). You are beautiful no matter your age or weight.

8. I realized I needed to love myself before loving someone else
- Relationships can be hard, that goes for love relationships and friendships. I was taking my frustration on those that I loved, especially Zack. I realized that when I started to love myself and being comfortable with myself- my relationship was much easier and better than ever. "Don't forget to fall in love with yourself first" -C.B.
I could go on and on about how important it is to love yourself. You get ONE body.... ONE. Enjoy it, embrace it, take care of it and it will take care of you and your needs.
I'm the biggest advocate for self love, because we need more of it.... You can do your part by embracing your body in all stages of life.  Write down 3 things that you love about yourself daily, and see how your perspective will change.
xox