A letter to those who don't understand grief
I realize this post is a little different from my normal posts, however this deals with mental health. I never thought to write something like this, for those who do not understand what grief is and how they can deal with loved ones who are going through it. Grieving is also called suffering. Now, I
understand that everyone deals with it differently, they lose people at different points of their lives and everyone handles life differently. This is something that everyone should keep in mind.
Since everyone is different and does not go through the same things at the same times, this can be hard for people to grasp.... Let. People. Grieve. I don't care if it happened 15 years ago, 8 years ago or 1 year ago... everyone has the right to feel sad, mad, upset, anxiety stricken. There is NO time limit on how long someone has to grieve. If you think there is, you have clearly never lost someone. Check yourself. You are lucky enough to call your loved one up to tell them exciting news. You get to see them when you want to. You get to hug and kiss them when you want to. If you're lucky, you get to share most of your life with them.
Many of you probably don't realize why I'm writing this, so I will start from the beginning. I lost my dad, who was my best friend growing up, almost 8 years ago. My dad was my everything. He was my student when I was the teacher (I was very bossy lol), I was a meteorologist with my weather map and he would always watch the forecast, I would dance in the driveway- hang signs all over the house that said "SHOW at 7:00!!!", him and my mom would always watch (Now that I realize half of the songs were inappropriate, sorry mom and dad!) and he always believed in me. He was the confidence behind me. After I graduated, he went into respiratory failure and was in the hospital for 5 long months. We spent countless days by his side, making plans for him to come home- I was going to take care of him at home, he would go to physical therapy and he just wanted to eat a steak. January of 2011, we lost him. I was numb. The day still plays in my head as if it just happened. I remember every detail. I spoke at his funeral. I don't know how I managed t
I wanted to be the tough one of the family, I felt like I had to be. I wanted to be everyone's rock. I would cry by myself, but never in front of anyone. I feel like I didn't grieve back then, so now it is really hard on me. It doesn't help that I'm getting married and will be graduating college soon. I just always think about how our relationship would be now and how awesome it would be. I want him to be here physically, I know he is here spiritually...but missing that puzzle piece is hard on a young girl.
The truth is, until you lose someone yourself- you will never understand. Even then, you probably won't because it happened a different way and at a different time. It doesn't help to hear "They're in a better place!" or "They're watching over you and they are so proud!" Honestly, it goes in one ear and out the other- it's all been said before. We know they would be proud... we know they are in a great place... but the selfish part of us wants them here. With us. Now.
Stop telling us to get over it. YOU get over the fact that we had a love so great, and no one will ever compare. It is hard enough to get through daily activities without being able to call them. We can't give them a hug or a kiss... or share any joys, other than knowing spiritually they are watching over. We are aware that they hear us, they are with us and they don't want us to cry. We don't even want to cry, how often do you see us cry in front of anyone?
Death changes people. Grief changes people. Everyone does it differently and takes different amounts of time. There is no timeline on when we should "Get over it". Excuse my language, but f*ck that.
Until you understand that- don't say anything at all. And Definitely don't tell someone to get over it... you will never cross back over that line. We don't have to get over it- we had a great relationship and love in our lives that took a piece of us when they left. Think about losing your best friend, your parent who you are so close with, a child.... anyone... let me know how you feel just by thinking of it.
Don't tell me to get the hell over it.
understand that everyone deals with it differently, they lose people at different points of their lives and everyone handles life differently. This is something that everyone should keep in mind.
Many of you probably don't realize why I'm writing this, so I will start from the beginning. I lost my dad, who was my best friend growing up, almost 8 years ago. My dad was my everything. He was my student when I was the teacher (I was very bossy lol), I was a meteorologist with my weather map and he would always watch the forecast, I would dance in the driveway- hang signs all over the house that said "SHOW at 7:00!!!", him and my mom would always watch (Now that I realize half of the songs were inappropriate, sorry mom and dad!) and he always believed in me. He was the confidence behind me. After I graduated, he went into respiratory failure and was in the hospital for 5 long months. We spent countless days by his side, making plans for him to come home- I was going to take care of him at home, he would go to physical therapy and he just wanted to eat a steak. January of 2011, we lost him. I was numb. The day still plays in my head as if it just happened. I remember every detail. I spoke at his funeral. I don't know how I managed t
The truth is, until you lose someone yourself- you will never understand. Even then, you probably won't because it happened a different way and at a different time. It doesn't help to hear "They're in a better place!" or "They're watching over you and they are so proud!" Honestly, it goes in one ear and out the other- it's all been said before. We know they would be proud... we know they are in a great place... but the selfish part of us wants them here. With us. Now.
Stop telling us to get over it. YOU get over the fact that we had a love so great, and no one will ever compare. It is hard enough to get through daily activities without being able to call them. We can't give them a hug or a kiss... or share any joys, other than knowing spiritually they are watching over. We are aware that they hear us, they are with us and they don't want us to cry. We don't even want to cry, how often do you see us cry in front of anyone?
Death changes people. Grief changes people. Everyone does it differently and takes different amounts of time. There is no timeline on when we should "Get over it". Excuse my language, but f*ck that.
Until you understand that- don't say anything at all. And Definitely don't tell someone to get over it... you will never cross back over that line. We don't have to get over it- we had a great relationship and love in our lives that took a piece of us when they left. Think about losing your best friend, your parent who you are so close with, a child.... anyone... let me know how you feel just by thinking of it.
Don't tell me to get the hell over it.
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